Guilty Pleasures...

There's a lot of activities I partake in that I don't necessarily admit to everyone I meet. Along with hiding a couple Christina Aguillera songs in my iPod, here is a list of my Top 5 Guilty Pleasures:

5) That's So Raven - Have you ever woken up on a Saturday morning, after a night of drinking and eating fried foods with your friends until 3am? It's probably around 9 or 10am and you want to sleep more, but the aching head and stomach just won't let you? So you turn on the TV and the only thing on is ABC Kids Saturday Morning programming, with back-to-back episodes of That's So Raven. Welcome to every Saturday morning of my life. This show is so cringe-inducing, so abominable, so absolutely deplorable and evil, yet there is nothing else I would rather watch on a Saturday morning while I recover from a night of drinking. Raven Simone's acting will make you want to kill people, but only if you don't laugh at how embarrassingly bad her performance is on a weekly basis. For the love of god, please [don't] watch this show.

4) Saved by the Bell - I don't know if I can really call this a guilty pleasure, because I find absolutely no guilt in admitting how much I love this show. Then again, it is kind of embarrassing that I'm 25 years old and have seen literally every episode of Saved by the Bell (and its precursor Good Morning Miss Bliss) at least 3 times. To quote Billy Bob Thornton on the matter during an interview with Conan O'Brien, "I find that when I watch it...I want to watch more." Nothing could sum up my thoughts on this show more than Mr. Thornton's fine words here. Saved by the Bell is textbook-bad television, where people act in a way that would make you question humanity in any real-life situation, yet it is very hard to stop watching something like Screech trying to fight Zack Morris over his love for Lisa Turtle. Some favorite episodes include: the one where Lisa invites a big Tom Cruise type movie star to film a PSA against drugs at their school, only to discover that the guy is a crazed-out [marijuana] druggie. Yes, the guy literally smokes a joint at a party. Whoa. And of course there's also the one where Jesse becomes addicted to painkillers and in a bizarre meltdown attempts to sing "I'm So Excited" in all its glory, only for it to dissolve slowly into, "I'm so......scared!!!!" Trust me, shit like this never gets old. Don't bother watching the College Years, The New Class or any of the TV movies, just ain't the same.

3) Superboy - In the late 80's Ilya & Alexander Salkind, executive producers of all the Christopher Reeve Superman movies, created a weekly series based on the stupidest idea in comic book history. The very idea that Superman was "Superboy" before moving to Metropolis defies all continuity ever put forth by the original comic book series. Does it make any sense that they would call him Superboy while he is clearly being played by a 23-year old James Haymes Newton? May I remind you that Christopher Reeve was 25 when he was cast as Superman. I never watch Smallville, but at least they don't refer to him as Superman or Superboy on that show, knowing that the idea of Superboy is completely illogical. But I digress. This show is pure trash and perhaps one of the funniest versions of Superman to ever see the light of day. Watch if only for Michael J. Pollard's hilariously awful portrayal of Mr. Mxyzptlk. It's almost like they were reading his lines into an ear-piece with a faulty signal.

2) Hot Hot Heat - I know that I should technically hate this band, but I can't deny that "Bandages" is a great fucking song.

1) Maury - Okay, again, not really sure if this is a guilty pleasure, as anyone who knows me will know that I always have at least two Maury Povich episodes taped on my DVR, but still it's kind of embarrassing that I've been watching this show for almost 10 years. Much better than Jerry Springer ever was, this show is consistently raising the bar for what is trash-TV. In the late 90's, there were a variety of subjects that Maury would cover, ranging from abusive husbands to obese infants, and also drag queens and out-of-control teens. He still does those episodes, maybe once every 3 months, but it is a guarantee that 99.9% of the time it will be a paternity result show. And how exciting those shows are! I love when a woman brings like 3 guys on and promises that one of them is the father and then none of them are. I know it's not right to laugh at the misfortune of others, but I see no problem in laughing at the misfortune of people who publicly announce their habits of sleeping with 12 guys within a two-week period. What kind of lives do these people go home to? Do they become hometown celebrities? Do the fathers ever actually pay child support? Why do so many people have no fear in contracting an STD? I will probably never know the answers to these questions. But I do know that a girl who has a fear of pickles is fucking fantastic.