Saw Deer Tick & some kinda crummy openers last night

I had always heard the name Deer Tick, but never actually heard them before. I think subconsciously I assumed they would sound like either Deerhunter or Deerhoof... a completely stupid assumption, but you can only read so many bands with "Deer" in their name before deciding that one of them must sound like the other. Anyway, I'm a huge (kind of obsessive) fan of both Deerhunter and Deerhoof so please don't lambast me for never hearing them before. I feel as though I have two out of the three current big "Deer" bands under my belt. And when I was emailed by BrooklynVegan late on Wednesday to see if I was up for shooting anything, I said yes and made my way over to the Music Hall of Williamsburg with Jennifer.

The first opener, Jason Anderson, was just god awful. Someone needs to tell this guy that he's not Bruce Springsteen, and furthermore, he's the first on a bill of three bands. Dude was singing like he was closing out the Superbowl Halftime Show. I admire his dedication and singing voice, but seriously, I was embarrassed just to be watching him. Thank god that only lasted for thirty minutes. The second band, J Roddy Walston & the Business were an improvement, but still kind of that cheesy holier-than-thou attitude, plus the whole, "we're a rock and roll band, now dance!" sort of vibe. Yech. Though I hadn't heard Deer Tick yet, if there openers were any indication, it wasn't going to be good.

And apparently Deer Tick has their fair share of (drunken) female fans. I was practically surrounded by screaming, beer spilling, and well, kind of intimidating girls. While Deer Tick was setting up on stage, some girl grabbed me by the shoulder and said, "If you don't dance to Deer Tick, you can fucking leave! Wooooo!!!!" Wow. Okay so then as singer/guitarist John McCauly is tuning his guitar the same girl yells out, "We saw you on a boat! I've seen your penis!". Holy shit. The guy clearly is doing his best to ignore her. Then the girl next to me is posing for a shot with her boyfriend and she spills her beer all over me and this guy standing next to me. Psycho.

Anyway, Deer Tick is basically a country band, but has strong ties to the indie scene. That said, I've never been the biggest country fan, though I don't adamantly write it off like most people do, and I do like the Jayhawks, Wilco, umm... the Travelling Wilburys, and I guess that's it. Their songs often took advantage of the strong vocal abilities of the four members up front, and the drummer came out from behind the kit to sing one song as well. That guy from Titus Andronicus came out to play the Replacements' "Can't Hardly Wait" which was really energetic and faithful to the original, but I got the feeling that no one in that crowd knew that song. Sad. Some guy came out with his girlfriend and asked her to marry him. She said yes. Good for them!

Deer Tick sounded great and they're obviously a talented bunch with a strong following, but the show just went on way longer than it should have. For being a sold out show, I took notice of the place being half empty by the end of the show. The end of the show being 1am. Man, thank god I had off work the next day. I'd recommend listening to Deer Tick, but maybe it's best to leave it at that rather than have to see one of their shows.

Full gallery of photos are up heeeyah.

What's up

I forgot I had this blog. Does anyone "follow" it or whatever? Probably not. Mayhaps I'll start posting again.

Some of this shit below is funny. Other stuff is pretty lame. I can admit that. I'm okay with that.

Welp, see ya later.

Awful....

Every year, Hollywood releases hundreds of movies. Some of them are great, most of them are bad. While there were a lot of very innovative, creative pictures to hit the theaters in 2008, there were at least 5 clunkers I could think of. Here's my list:

Worst 5 Movies of 2008:

5) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - I'll be honest with you, I was really excited for this movie to come out. I've loved the Indiana Jones movies for as long as I can remember. I recall my mom taking me and my brother to see the Last Crusade when I was 6. It was great then, and it's still great now. 19 years later, Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas put together what very well may be the shittiest movie of all time. This movie sucks people. It sucks so much that it makes me angry just thinking about it. I would go so far to say that it's worse than Batman and Robin or Battlefield Earth. Ughhh...

4) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Make no mistake, I could not wait to see what kind of hair-raising adventure Indy would find himself in for this movie. I thought about it for months leading up to its release, and even attended a pre-party where we watched the Temple of Doom and ate pot brownies. I could not have been more disappointed with a summer blockbuster than I was with this steaming pile of shit. It's really, really, really bad. There are way too many scenes to point out here, but I warn you that this movie has a very strong chance of making you want to kill people.

3) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Can you believe that this movie holds a 76% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes? Don't believe me? Here's a screen shot you dummies:

The movie almost made me think that none of the Indiana Jones movies were actually good, but you know, I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark shortly before seeing this deplorable piece of garbage and I still loved it. It's an amazing film that stands the test of time. This movie? Absolutely depressing.

2) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Why is this movie so bad you ask? Because it just is. There's no way to really explain it other than watching it (please don't) or mentioning a few of its shortcomings. One of them being a scene of that assclown Shia Labouf swinging from vines with monkeys. Another being Harrison Ford looking laughably old. One more being the completely incohesive plot and characterizations. The CGI didn't help. It was some of the cheesiest special effects I've seen since Mac & Me (and that's an understatement). How and why did so many people actually enjoy this trash? It boggles my mind!!!!

1) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Oh my god, the more I think about this movie the more I want to punch walls in my apartment. If you liked this movie, you are an idiot. I don't care if you're reading this and you're a friend of mine, you're an idiot. If you ever try to convince me that I just "don't get" this movie or that I should give it a second chance I will stop being your friend. Get over it, don't bring it up again.

Fan Made...

Fan made trailers are inherently shitty for a few reasons. A) There is a very limited amount of footage that can actually be used for them. B) There's only so much you can do with your parents' MacBook. C) The people making them are total douchebags. Enjoy.

Top 5 Stupidest Fan Made Trailers:

5) "Batman: Caped Crusader" a.k.a. "Shadow of the Bat" - Let's make a fake trailer for a Batman movie but show Batman in literally 2 shots. And let's show Philip Seymour Hoffman in a helicopter a bunch of times. Oh, and let's just tint the entire trailer green...because the Riddler wears green. You fuckin' nimrod. Whoever made this should be put to sleep.



4) "Green Lantern Teaser Trailer" - They shouldn't call this a teaser...they should call it a borer. Because it bores me to fucking death. Who on earth would want to watch this movie? The creator of this trailer deserves nothing short of continuous electric shock.



3) "National Treasure 3: The Search for Atlantis" - Wow....I thought the ones above were bad. This reaches completely new levels of shittiness.

Controvercies
Challenges
...and Pride

Someone please track down this guy's IP address and smother him with a pillow.



2) "Jurassic Park IV: The Dinosaur Conquest" - The Dinosaur Conquest? Oh - I thought there were raccoons on the island. And who the fuck is Douglas Hughes?

Dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
Yet these magnificent beasts live on in our hearts and in our imagination.

I can understand wanting to create a retarded PowerPoint presentation, but do they have to be so fucking poetic about it???



1) "Back to the Future: Part IV" - Dear lord...

Disturbing...

I enjoy watching horror movies - but there is a fine line between a horror/gore movie, and a movie that will make you question whether or not you're actually watching a snuff film. These are all films that I've watched (or at least tried to watch) once, and will most likely never go anywhere near them again.

Top 5 Extremely Disturbing Films That You Really Shouldn't Ever Watch:

5) I Spit on Your Grave (1978) - This movie pops up on a lot of "best-of" lists, but I had a really hard time watching this when I finally rented it a couple years ago. There's something about witnessing 45 minutes of a woman being tortured, raped and practically left for dead that has not an ounce of entertainment in it for me. Honestly, I'm disturbed by anyone who actually got past the first half of this movie and enjoyed it. Maybe it gets better towards the end, but I'll never know because I refuse to watch it.



4) Faces of Death (1978) - People who own any of the Faces of Death movies and even just occasionally view them are potential psychopaths. These movies are not fun to watch, they put a knot in your stomach and make you afraid to leave your house. I rented one of these with a friend when we were 15 and couldn't watch more than 10 minutes of it. The fact that any of these movies are even legal to sell and distribute makes me question my stance on censorship.

3) Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) - Even though this film is extremely macabre and ominous, it actually is a very good movie. Just don't suggest to watch it with someone you don't know too well. You'll scare the shit out of them. Influenced by real-life convicted murderer Henry Lee Lucas, this "slasher" flick tells the story of a man who takes pleasure in killing (and videotaping) random women in Chicago with a seedy old friend of his from prison named Otis. There are many moments that are outright disturbing, and a little too realistic, that make you never want to watch it again. Example: after killing two prostitutes in cold blood, Henry and Otis share hamburgers and fries in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant and discuss the joys of murdering random people and getting away with it. This may not seem disturbing, but trust me, it is. Ever since I first watched Henry, I've had a hard time eating drive-thru in a parking lot.



2) Last House on the Left (1972) - I've never understood the appeal and popularity of this utterly unwatchable piece of shit. If Wes Craven hadn't given us Nightmare on Elm Street, it would be very easy to label him nothing more than a B-movie hack, incapable of delivering a coherent well-directed film. Fuck Wes Craven, fuck him.



1) Suicide Club (2002) - I had heard so much about this movie from so many people that it was inevitable I would finally watch it. No one warned me that it would haunt me for years. Make no mistake - this movie will disturb the shit out of you. It involves a pop song, and the effect it has on convincing Japanese school-children to commit group suicide. From the very first scene, you'll probably want to immediately turn it off. Well, you probably should. It doesn't get any lighter. I would say I'm surprised that this movie hasn't been remade by Hollywood yet, but then again, I'd be surprised if anyone even wanted to touch this subject in America. It's worth watching, but please, don't watch this.

Childhood...

No real setup for this, apart from that I did absolutely no research on any of these items, specifically to give the most vague recollection I could for each. Any corrections/explanations would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy.

Top 11 Things I Vaguely Remember as a Child:

11) Popples - Popples were an extremely inventive line of stuffed animals, one that you could turn inside out and make it into a ball. I had a yellow one, I think, and I adored it. I'm pretty sure that I lost my Popple after turning it inside out and dropping it down a sewer when I was 5. Then a very scary clown in the sewer offered it back, along with a red balloon. Okay, that didn't really happen, but my Popple did mysteriously vanish.



10) Genesis - Land of Confusion - This video scared the hell out of me as a child. It was similar to watching Labyrinth, in that there were these puppets that were seemingly friendly, but in reality, were absolutely frightening. Still, there are references to Superman (even if it is just Ronald Reagan), which is probably why I watched it so much. Take a look.



9) Mickey's Christmas Carol - I don't know when this aired, but I do know that I had a VHS tape of this special that I probably watched 8,000 times as a kid. Watching it now is an extremely surreal experience, mainly because as a kid you make your own weird interpretations about things you don't understand.



8) Ghost Busters (Filmation) - This is the type of cartoon that could cause a child to have a brain aneurysm. I loved nothing more than the Ghostbusters movie and subsequent cartoon, so imagine how confused I must have been when an alternate cartoon, also named "Ghostbusters," aired with a very similar premise. Except, where was Venkman and Egon? Is the gorilla supposed to be Slimer? Why aren't they driving around in the Ecto-1? Filmation (the company who owned the rights to the name "Ghostbusters") should be ashamed of themselves for having confused youngsters everywhere with this inferior version. Yes, I know they had the name first, but damn....this shit made me angry!



7) Ewoks: Battle For Endor - I didn't really get into the Star Wars movies until I was a little older, but for whatever reason, I was very much aware of the straight-to-TV Ewok movies. In particular, this bizarre sequel starring a Drew Barrymore lookalike and Wilford Brimley. This was another VHS tape I watched at least a million times, original commercials intact. Make no mistake, these movies are god awful, but that one Ewok (who isn't really an Ewok) who runs really fast is kind of cool. Watch this very weird scene, clearly inspired by Evil Dead 2.



6) The Peanut Butter Solution - Literally every person I have spoken to who was born in the 80's vaguely remembers this movie. No one owns a copy, no one saw it a couple months ago, and certainly no one has the poster hanging in their room, but every one kinda sorta maybe remembers this movie. It was an odd premise. From what I remember, a kid loses all his hair after walking through a painting or something, and then hears of the "peanut butter solution" which will cause his hair to grow back after spreading peanut butter all over his head. And didn't it involve some art supply company using his hair for its hairbrushes? Wow....this movie was fucking insane!



5) Mr. Boogedy/Bride of Boogedy - From what I can recall, and I'm pretty sure I watched these movies again only a few years ago, this movie starred Richard Masur who plays an 35 year old man-child who owns a joke shop and treats his family like total shit by constantly playing tasteless pranks on them. They move into the house of a dead Amish man, presumably Mr. Boogedy, and he haunts the fuck out of them. Eugene Levy is in at least one of these steaming shit-piles, and Michael Eisner did a very weird introduction with Goofy and/or Donald. If you don't remember these movies, I feel (sorry) happy for you. For further proof of Richard Masur being a total asshole to his family, watch the clip below:



4) This Very Creepy McDonald's Commercial - How come no one questions that a ghastly clown is ice skating with a group of unaccompanied children? Have none of these parents read about John Wayne Gacy??? This commercial is most likely on one of my VHS tapes of Ewoks or Mr. Boogedy, so I've seen it a lot. The image of Ronald McDonald spinning the kid in the air at the end still sends chills down my spine.



3) Hi-C's Ecto Cooler - I drank this stuff literally every day for at least 3 years. Once I remember my mom bought one of those gigantic cans of it, but it wasn't called Ecto cooler, it was the same exact drink, made by Hi-C, presumably prior to the Ghosbusters tie-in. I wish I could remember the name, and I've been doing research, but no luck. If you remember, please email me. Anyway, is it just me, or is the CGI in this commercial way to advanced for its time?



2) My Pet Monster - Wow, did this really exist or was it a figment of my imagination? I had a gigantic My Pet Monster doll for way longer than I should have, but I couldn't tell you what the hell the character was. I'm pretty sure there was a movie, and it involved some kind of statue, and the statue came alive when someone was wearing a ring or something, but I could just be making that up. Regardless, this was a very odd 80's franchise.



1) Madballs - Now that I've compiled this list, I realize how infatuated 80's toymakers were with creating grisly toys for small children to play with. What the hell was the deal with Madballs? I'm pretty sure I had the one that looked like a baseball and stuck its tongue out. If you never owned a Madball, I pity you.

Guilty Pleasures...

There's a lot of activities I partake in that I don't necessarily admit to everyone I meet. Along with hiding a couple Christina Aguillera songs in my iPod, here is a list of my Top 5 Guilty Pleasures:

5) That's So Raven - Have you ever woken up on a Saturday morning, after a night of drinking and eating fried foods with your friends until 3am? It's probably around 9 or 10am and you want to sleep more, but the aching head and stomach just won't let you? So you turn on the TV and the only thing on is ABC Kids Saturday Morning programming, with back-to-back episodes of That's So Raven. Welcome to every Saturday morning of my life. This show is so cringe-inducing, so abominable, so absolutely deplorable and evil, yet there is nothing else I would rather watch on a Saturday morning while I recover from a night of drinking. Raven Simone's acting will make you want to kill people, but only if you don't laugh at how embarrassingly bad her performance is on a weekly basis. For the love of god, please [don't] watch this show.

4) Saved by the Bell - I don't know if I can really call this a guilty pleasure, because I find absolutely no guilt in admitting how much I love this show. Then again, it is kind of embarrassing that I'm 25 years old and have seen literally every episode of Saved by the Bell (and its precursor Good Morning Miss Bliss) at least 3 times. To quote Billy Bob Thornton on the matter during an interview with Conan O'Brien, "I find that when I watch it...I want to watch more." Nothing could sum up my thoughts on this show more than Mr. Thornton's fine words here. Saved by the Bell is textbook-bad television, where people act in a way that would make you question humanity in any real-life situation, yet it is very hard to stop watching something like Screech trying to fight Zack Morris over his love for Lisa Turtle. Some favorite episodes include: the one where Lisa invites a big Tom Cruise type movie star to film a PSA against drugs at their school, only to discover that the guy is a crazed-out [marijuana] druggie. Yes, the guy literally smokes a joint at a party. Whoa. And of course there's also the one where Jesse becomes addicted to painkillers and in a bizarre meltdown attempts to sing "I'm So Excited" in all its glory, only for it to dissolve slowly into, "I'm so......scared!!!!" Trust me, shit like this never gets old. Don't bother watching the College Years, The New Class or any of the TV movies, just ain't the same.

3) Superboy - In the late 80's Ilya & Alexander Salkind, executive producers of all the Christopher Reeve Superman movies, created a weekly series based on the stupidest idea in comic book history. The very idea that Superman was "Superboy" before moving to Metropolis defies all continuity ever put forth by the original comic book series. Does it make any sense that they would call him Superboy while he is clearly being played by a 23-year old James Haymes Newton? May I remind you that Christopher Reeve was 25 when he was cast as Superman. I never watch Smallville, but at least they don't refer to him as Superman or Superboy on that show, knowing that the idea of Superboy is completely illogical. But I digress. This show is pure trash and perhaps one of the funniest versions of Superman to ever see the light of day. Watch if only for Michael J. Pollard's hilariously awful portrayal of Mr. Mxyzptlk. It's almost like they were reading his lines into an ear-piece with a faulty signal.

2) Hot Hot Heat - I know that I should technically hate this band, but I can't deny that "Bandages" is a great fucking song.

1) Maury - Okay, again, not really sure if this is a guilty pleasure, as anyone who knows me will know that I always have at least two Maury Povich episodes taped on my DVR, but still it's kind of embarrassing that I've been watching this show for almost 10 years. Much better than Jerry Springer ever was, this show is consistently raising the bar for what is trash-TV. In the late 90's, there were a variety of subjects that Maury would cover, ranging from abusive husbands to obese infants, and also drag queens and out-of-control teens. He still does those episodes, maybe once every 3 months, but it is a guarantee that 99.9% of the time it will be a paternity result show. And how exciting those shows are! I love when a woman brings like 3 guys on and promises that one of them is the father and then none of them are. I know it's not right to laugh at the misfortune of others, but I see no problem in laughing at the misfortune of people who publicly announce their habits of sleeping with 12 guys within a two-week period. What kind of lives do these people go home to? Do they become hometown celebrities? Do the fathers ever actually pay child support? Why do so many people have no fear in contracting an STD? I will probably never know the answers to these questions. But I do know that a girl who has a fear of pickles is fucking fantastic.